Relationship OCD: 'I feared betraying my boyfriend, so I stayed home'

Sophia, a 24-year-old waitress and content creator living in Leeds, England, has described relationship obsessive-compulsive disorder (ROCD) as 'mental torture.' She experiences persistent intrusive doubts about her year-long relationship, questioning compatibility, her love for her boyfriend, and her actions. At the peak of her condition, these anxieties prevented her from leaving her home, even impacting her ability to work. She spent days in bed, repeatedly seeking reassurance from ChatGPT. ROCD goes beyond normal relationship uncertainties, causing significant distress and compulsive behaviors like constantly testing a partner. Professor David Veale, a psychiatrist, noted that ROCD can consume immense mental energy and anxiety, unlike typical relationship doubts. The condition affects an estimated 1.2% of the UK population, though exact figures are elusive as it's not tracked separately. While data on gender prevalence is insufficient, Veale believes it might be slightly more common in women. Professor Guy Doron, a clinical psychologist, has observed an increase in ROCD referrals over the past decade, attributing it partly to greater awareness on social media. ROCD typically falls into two categories: doubts about one's own feelings or concerns about a partner's perceived flaws. Symptoms can also manifest in non-romantic relationships and are often triggered by life transitions like making a relationship official or marriage. Sophia's ROCD, which previously involved germophobia and excessive handwashing, intensified when her relationship became more serious. Even minor issues, like her boyfriend's clothing choice, would trigger intense urges to break up, despite her not wanting to. Doron suggests that factors like relationship experiences, perfectionism, and overthinking can increase vulnerability to ROCD, with social media exacerbating these issues by romanticizing relationships and fostering doubt. Gracie, who has lived with ROCD for seven years, finds social media captions about finding 'the one' particularly distressing, leading to internal turmoil despite outward appearances of happiness. She emphasizes that ROCD doesn't signify a lack of love but rather targets what is most important to the individual. Both Sophia and Gracie have explored medication, cognitive-behavioral therapy, and self-education through online research and YouTube videos. Experts advise seeking professional support, discussing intrusive thoughts with a doctor, and avoiding reassurance-seeking behaviors or excessive social media use, as these can perpetuate the cycle of ROCD.